I am frustrated.
My brilliant (tested, not assumed) kid is an EXTREME underachiever in school. He gets As on tests without any study, butgrades are no where near that because he won't do the class/homework. Heis in honors Science and Civics and was recently moved up to honors math(he was in it last year, but insecurity and fear made him [in my mind]deliberately fail-he made it up in summer school).
Yesterday, we were arguing about the fact that he needs to develop a routine for school and for his life in general; I need to trust that he has actually done homework when he says he has, etc. That turned into an arguement about expectations and failing to meet or even try to meet them,etc...I explained that I was disappointed that it seemed that, no matter what he was told, he would do whatever he wanted, regarding school, clothes, etc.
(A little background: He has a friend whom I view as a bad influence. Unsupervised, possibly involved in a gang [at least mode of dress], participating in unprotected sex at age 14, etc)
When continued involvement with this person was mentioned, yet again, he said: "You view [friend] as a bad influence on me, but if I do something, it is because*I* chose to do it. Also, while, he may not necessarily be a bad influence on me, I could be a good influence on HIM!" This one is tough, as a parent: do I possibly sacrifice MY child for someone else's? And what does it teach MY son to say that he should turn his back on this friend. "Just because you tell me I cannot be his friend doesn't mean I can be his friend one day, then not be his friend the NEXT day." He is worried about this friend, specifically relating to the unprotected sex and has encouraged the friend to use condoms IF he is having sex.
So, what I admire is his sense of loyalty, to the friend and in trying to BE a friend; talking to him about these things; to be, possibly, the only person who [friend] may feel comfortable in sharing these topics. I also admire that he is admitting that HE makes his own choices; that ultimately, no one else is responsible for what he does or does not do.
Is 14/15 too old to invite over for milk, cookies and supervised homework time? I am going to have to REALLY think about this situation.
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2 comments:
Yeah, 14/15 is a little old for milk and cookies. The friend would probably prefer a beer. :)
Naa, probably a wine cooler: sweeter without the tell-tale burping later!
Which reminds me: I think *I* need a drink!! I may have to open a new bottle of wine.
BTW, I don't think my fabulous MZ Field's cookies recipe, or Oreos for that matter, go well with beer, even an ale or (I cannot believe I am writing this) malt liquor!
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