Sweaters to avoid this season

...and, for that matter, forever!







I was looking online for new sweaters. Many of my old ones are way too big and sweater weather is certainly here.

Truly, if anyone were to give me one of the above for Christmas or my birthday, they would probably get slapped. Come on! These are reserved for grandmother's to get for 13-year-old awkward adolescent girls whose mother will make them actually wear them the next time Grandma comes to visit. So cruel!

These are more my style (I actually have the first three; Jackson actually called the second one a "sneed" from "The Lorax")

This is why it is best to avoid giving me clothes as gifts. Actually, I recommend gift certificates! ;)

The point of this post is: don't just buy random gifts for people for the sake of something to give. I know a couple of people who skim through clearance racks and find things that will "work" for those on their list--I'll never understand that thought process.

That said, I still have shopping to do! I have it all planned out.

Photos from A+B wedding

Here are some photos from A+B's wedding. Yes, I cheated and copied and trimmed them from the photographers' site. I plan to pay for prints anyway so, I am sure they won't mind my getting advance use of these.

There were a few of me dancing with J; now I know why action should never be photographed; you look SO ridiculous in stills! You won't get to see the dancing shots any larger than these.

In the second photo, D (5) and I are discussing how silly it is to throw flowers and elastic bands to people who think, if they catch them, they will get married. What silly wishes or empty hopes, right? As if that is all it takes. So, I made sure that I didn't catch the bouquet by holding her arms open to help her to catch the bouquet. (Subject irony: the cartoon on my widget as I post this!) She assured me she was single!

A bit later, we watched the groom remove the bride's garter; D looks a little concerned to me!

I should have just played "Duck, duck Horse"

Yes, the game is actually called "Duck duck goose" but, apparently, horses are faster and D seems to like horses more than geese.

At A&B's wedding, D (she's four) was getting a bit restless and frustrated that no one would play with her. People had started dancing (my son and I had already done a few spins around the dance floor LITERALLY, then with another partner or two), so I was trying to get her to dance too; she would have none of it. She tried to get me to play this game, but I thought sitting on the floor/ground in high heels and formal gowns might not be a great idea.

So, she and I were walking around outside with my son in tow. I was carrying her in front of me, trying to distract her and being silly as Jackson was in awe of the stars (he had had a couple/few drinks; read further for details). As we were walking along the asphalt pathway, me wearing four inch heels, suddenly the ground went from smooth, flat asphalt to a grate that has rounded top metal and four inch spaces!! I went down on one knee, quickly dropping D in front of me, then went down on the other leg just as quickly, then falling forward. Everything was silent for a moment as we were all trying to figure out what had just happened! As it turned out, J was silent because he was so enamoured with the stars, he didn't even see us fall! (Later, he said he just heard a small gasp and saw us on the ground.) D started to cry and I was in absolute agony with my knee on fire, so all I could do was gasp: "Jackson, GO GET HER FATHER!"

I sat her up, checking her head for a bump, which came a bit later. I felt just terrible! Here I was trying to entertain this child only to BREAK HER! As far as I know, at this point, she is mostly fine. Within an hour of the incident, she kept giving me calla lilies and hugging me. She promised she wasn't mad at me and told me she wished I would come to brunch the next day (I had to decline as J and I had plans). Her 11 year old sister was wonderful and brought me a ziplock bag full of ice, thank goodness! I cannot imagine how my knee would look/feel if I didn't have it.

I was supposed to go to my trainer tomorrow, but had to cancel as I can barely walk, let alone use an elliptical, treadmill or weights. I'll just lift hand weights in the (relative) safety of my bedroom.

Jackson's Life Lesson:

With all of the pain I was/am in, it helps to know that Jackson learned a valuable lesson that night: stick with liquor OR wine OR champagne, but mixing your alcohol is NOT a good idea. Oh, and on that note, I learned one too: when Jackson says "Mom, you need to stop the car", I really should stop the car right then! I finally pull off the road and he leans over and lets it all go! As I glance over, I shout: "Oh my GOD, the door isn't open! So he opens the door and finishes. But, not before he nailed his new suit pants, the tie, the shirt, the interior of the car door, and the carpet. I even had to stop one more time before we go to our hotel.

I admit that I did allow him to have a couple of short pour JD and Pepsis, and I know he had a bit of champagne during the toast, but I did NOT know that he drank two glasses of red wine that was on the table and about the same number of white AND three glasses of champagne that were on the table. Well, not full glasses of champagne, but about a ounce of it in each glass. I didn't give him a hard time about it, later, I just explained that I just wish he had asked; I would have been able to warn him that mixing your liquors was a BAD idea; he certainly knows now! At some point, between heaves, he asked "Why would anyone drink just to get drunk? This is terrible!" and "I am not going to drink again until I am 35." Today, he told me that he will never be able to touch Jack Daniels, Pepsi, champagne or wine again!

...until next time. :)

Dream Interpretation: Flying

As a kid, I used to dream that I was flying; I would fly low and steady. I viewed it as cautious where I could easily step down, if necessary, as opposed to a crash landing.

Then, I grew up and fly higher because I am more confident in my piloting skills.

Then, someone comes in who asks to co-pilot. He's wearing a pilot's cap, says the correct technical terms, speaks of coordinates, etc, acts like he knows how to fly. So, I let him sit in the other seat and handle some of the controls of my personal aircraft. We take off, flying higher and higher; it's smooth sailing! Suddenly, he feels a bit of turbulance and says: "I need to go back and take a nap; don't wake me, I'll come back when I am refreshed." and exits the cabin with a blanket and teddy bear. So, here I am flying this thing WAY off the ground all by myself, turbulance bouncing the plane around. I am trying to hang on to the controls, but am not strong enough. My co-pilot is in the back, snoring away, completely ignorant, so we crash.

Lesson: just because someone has papers that look like certification, says all the right words and your co-pilot seat is empty does not mean you should let him sit there. Be wary of who you allow in your cockpit: watch them fly another plane first; consider track records, number of hours they have actually been in the air and how many different planes they have flown. 20+ years in a Cessna doesn't mean he can handle your Blackbird. At the very least: do not go higher than you are comfortable just because someone else has a hand on the extra controls; who says they will turn it in the direction YOU want to go!

Interpretations:
http://www.dreammoods.com/cgibin/flyingdreams.pl?method=exact&header=dreamid&search=flyingintro
http://www.dreamsleep.net/commondreams/meaning-of-flying-dream.html

This hurts more than I thought it would!

Well, more than I remember it hurting when I started at the gym last time. I am talking about my legs and buns!!

I have been working out fairly regularly for the past 4-5 weeks and have been rewarded with a weight loss of 25 lbs and reduction of a pants size by one (and now, those are even loose on me).

So, yesterday, I signed up with a personal trainer just to show me what a WUSS I AM! He said I did a great job; better than many clients who have lower weight/fat content, etc. but I don't know if he is blowing smoke up my gluts. Anywhoo, I was fine this morning, getting a bit of a tingle by noonish, but now, each step up the stairs SCREAMS! I feel pretty good in that I did do everything he asked of me and even pushed some a bit. Push to muscle failure? Oh YES. Those babies were shakin' and a bit wobbly when I got up to walk each time.

My next appointment is tomorrow at noon. I think we do abs and back. Trainer said that I will continue to be sore like this for the next month and a half, if we continue at the rate I want. Then, when it doesn't hurt anymore, we have to change the routine so that it hurts again! Ahhhh, but then you know it is working.

I am actually at a lower weight now than I have been for 15 years. Better late than never, I guess.

Since I don't do arms/shoulders until about next Thursday, I am going to head up, watch psuedo-figure skating on "Blades of Glory" with J and lift 10 lb hand weights. Just using hand weights has really built up my shoulders, triceps and biceps. Then, I am going to blissfully konk out!

My super power reaffirmed and I hate plastic tube hangers!

Me and my great ideas!

I was talking to a co-worker about the idea of having a shoe/clothing exchange at work. I have lost a bunch of weight but have gorgeous clothes that I cannot use anymore. Plus, I love shoes and buy them online. Occassionally, they just don't fit and it would almost cost more to send them back. Sooooo, she mentions that they have an exchange, on Saturdays, at her church.

Despite the fact it is church, I go anyway, two Saturdays ago.

I took a few sundresses that were too big, like an Ann Taylor strappy dress size...ha! nope, not falling for it. (Aww, what the heck! It was a 14 and now 12s are starting to be a bit big on me, depending on the cut.) I also brought a couple of sweatshirts from J and other random items.

I couldn't reach co-worker via phone, but went anyway. I arrived to see a HUGE LINE of people! Apparently, it isn't exactly an exchange. People who are financially disadvantaged (is that politically correct?) get a large trash bag and can fill it up with as much as they can. Not exactly what I envisioned! I brought my donations to the front of the line to see if I had to WAIT to GIVE stuff. Answer: no.

But, I was asked if I could volunteer. Sure, why not? I figured that I'd be nice and help out for a couple of hours, despite the extensive to-do list waiting at home.

So, my job was to straighten clothes on the racks and remove hangers that had been left there.

(I'll bet you are wondering how the title fits into this subject, aren't you?) So, I am removing hangers, straightening items when I get whacked in the head by a heavy jacket. OK, my super power is activated! Again, I am invisible. I let it go. Then WHACK by another item. GEEZ!! I am standing RIGHT THERE! This guy is SO determined to get his bag full, he doesn't pay any attention to a volunteer who is trying to make it easier for everyone. WHACK! Aloud, I say "OK, that's three" WHACK! "Four! WOW!" then walk away. THIS is why I would rather help animals or do some type of community service for people I never see. I would rather do it anonymously and NOT get knocked around doing it.

Oh, and my Ann Taylor and Donna Morgan dresses? Before I even had a chance to put them up on a rack, a 5'-2" 200 lb appled-shaped Columbian woman excitedly snatched them up. First she went for the Ann Taylor, the Donna Morgan, then she just took ALL of them. Oh well, right? Chiffon is great for general weekend or grocery shopping attire. I must say it was really tough to watch them go like that. Next time, I drop them in a donation box and RUN AWAY.

And I don't know who is the genius who thought using plastic tube hangers for t-shirts and sweatshirts was a good idea. That stuff ends up all over the floor. Try picking up shirts, dodging enthusiastic indigents and trying to not step on small, errant children. "I am doing a good thing; I am doing a good thing" I chant as my new mantra for the next 115 minutes!

I finally had to stop sorting hangers when my ears were about to bleed from the piped in hymns. Is it too much to ask that they play some Nickelback, Queen or Pink Floyd? Sheesh. ;)

Life in general

Things have been pretty busy for me for the past month or so. You may note that I am posting this in what you may call "the middle of the night", but it is, for me, the middle of my workday. Sure, I am sitting here on my bed typing, but I am going to get ONE sleep cycle in (90 minutes, in case you don't know what I am talking about), then my son will wake, wake ME, then I'll shower, then run back to work (which I finally left at 3 a.m.)

Work: very busy! We are working on a proposal for a military somethingorother in Darfur. I don't pay attention to the actual content; I just do the graphics and read through the documents simply for corrections. I wasn't even on this proposal until this past Friday. Eight graphics turned into 55, at last count. We go to print on Saturday. When I heard this in a meeting, my stomach dropped because I knew I would not be able to go to Long Island, as previously planned, this weekend. Then my boss asked if I had plans and I admitted that I did, but could cancel. Apparently, according to the coordinator, I was pulled in at the last minute (a week, in proposal time) to save the proposal. Honestly! That is really what she said! Anyhoo, someone else on the team will cover me in the event of any changes, but tonight, at about 10 p.m., I tried to stress to the writer's that I would NOT be at work after 3, possibly 2, on Friday, so they really should get changes in on Thursday. After that, they get what they get from my understudy.

Love: yup, I actually wrote that...I am, indeed, in love. I finally found someone (or actually, he found ME) with whom I can be myself and completely comfortable. It is a bit overwhelming when you put up a barrier and someone comes to you and says things and asks questions that chip away the wall. I cannot say this relationship has not had challenges, but they have nothing to do with he and I. I think it is safe to assume that anyone over the age of eight has some amount of baggage. Personally, I like the concept of traveling light, but I like shoes too much! Scott is wonderful: caring, intelligent, cuddly, attentive, sexy, fun, silly, good looking, and considerate. It's funny: I remember making a list of what I would want in a person. I must have had 20+ items on my list. As I got older, the list whittled down to: "not allergic to cats and mostly liked kids". When I think of Scott, I realize that my list was possible. I am so lucky that I had the opportunity to make a smart choice and let it all begin. :) (getting pretty tired here, so I better make it fast....)


J: in high school now. Dramas are almost daily. So, why would I want another child? I am not sure, but perhaps my money would be better spent on a frontal lobotomy!


Scout (the cat) just knocked something else over in the bathroom, so I may be short one cat soon. Grrrrr!


Everything else is generally the same.......about to konk out here! Goodnight (morning).

You just never know....

what can happen when you take a chance!!

It is funny that people hold back so often; we don't say what we want to say in fear of the reaction we may receive. The response may be negative:

"Will you go out with me?"

"No, I am having a wart removed that night and
will need a year to recover, but thank you for asking."

But that percieved negative could actually be positive because, to you, warts are more disgusting than the yolk of a hardboiled egg (in your opinion, but that IS the topic, isn't it?) Or, you could get a positive response to your inquiry, but later learn that she loves egg yolks and has more warts than the Wicked Witch of the West and the personality to match! (maybe no one asked HER out!)

Why are we afraid? Haven't we had enough life experience to know that we can survive some disappointment? No matter how rough your day is, no matter how difficult a situation can be, you will live to see tomorrow. There will only be ONE time that you are wrong in this scenario and you won't be around to lament your decision!

I write all this knowing full well that I had something very important to say on Friday and danced around it knowing full well that the ultimate point was going to be missed in all of my side-stepping (yes, I have fear as well!). But, today, someone was doing a little dance on the same subject. Knowing the steps well, I saw where it was going and simply asked: "Do you have something you want to say?" or something like that because the answer to that question blurred my vision and part of my memory! Let's just say that the person did indeed have something to say and did so in the most charming and adorable way that I don't want to embarrass him by posting it here: it is emblazened in my memory, and we are the only ones that count in the situation. (So, I rush to post it in my blog, right?)

I'd post a photo, but none of those to which I have access do him the justice that he deserves. ALSO, I'd have to ask his permission first.

You caught my ire

Things you should not hear (nor say) on a first date:

"Yes, I am bad and I need to be spanked" followed by turning your back and leaning over, slightly.

"She prefers girth, not length." to the bartender when your date requests a rocks glass versus a juice glass for bourbon and ginger ale.

"Oh good, you aren't kissing someone" when returning from the men's room, explained by:

"Yes, I walked out of the bar the second time my girlfriend was kissing some guy" followed by:

"She had sex in the men's room with a black guy and told me the baby was mine; I was the one who had to take her to the abortion clinic..." followed by:

"We stopped dating, but still had booty calls."

"I am not really a breast man; I go straight for the [gestures toward her crotch]."

"I don't have any money, but my [estranged] wife is a millionaire a couple times over now."

"Guess what kind of car I drive." (I guessed Ford Pinto, then Gremlin. I think that irked him since he was, clearly, trying to brag about his BMW-leased btw)

"Ever since my gastric bypass surgery, I cannot keep chicken down." "Should I kiss you before or after this cigar?" (rather
presumptuous that he will get kissed at all!)

"Yes, I know my friends keep calling me. Since I am not confident about my judgment, they are looking out for me." (No shit! Because everything you said, above, was based on GOOD JUDGMENT?)

What is dating? What is the game? Is dating a game? Am I a player? If I view dating as a game, and I date, does this mean I am a player?

I don't believe that I am a player, but when I view the above situation and allow it to proceed due to the entertainment factor, hence 'a game', I may be a player. Considering the above statements, who could blame me? Apparently, the smooth talker (a lawyer, BTW) who crafted such eloquent sentences within an hour of our first meeting.

Theory: people who talk about money don't have any; people who talk about sex don't get any; people who brag about what they drive, what they pay to exs have to pay strippers, hookers or gold diggers to pay any attention to them; they also have to be humilated by trashy women who are fine with a booty call buddy status because going out in public only brings the possibility that she will end up in the men's room with someone else! I guess if the personality doesn't work, credit cards and flashing cash must pick up some slack.

All of this goes to further prove to myself that I should pay more attention to my instincts. Animals have instincts for survival. Without them, they could be eaten alive or at least mauled. Does the same go for dating? Animals don't date, but humans can be eaten alive or metaphorically mauled. I look back and am just amused:

In fairness, I think it is reasonable to state that I am not perfect (eyes downcast): I focus on details too often, some slights bother me more than I should allow them to, my grammar is imperfect (thank you; I don't need it clarified unless the correction is explained), I procrastinate, I lose track of time, I juggle too many thoughts, projects, ideas and some of each get lost, I could stand to lose more weight...I think I'll stop there on the negative. On the positive: I am creative, loyal to friends, love and protect animals, love and adore my child (who drives me NUTS!), very handy, and a decent, although fast, driver. :) So, yes, I do have a pretty high opinion of myself.

BEST DINNER EVER!

Background: I have never been the type to prepare dinner nightly. Even when my son was small, sometimes, cheese, crackers, veggies and dip served as 'dinner'. Sometimes, it was a pot of chili (pretty good actually) that lasted for a few nights, etc. Actually, since my son was about eight, he learned to cook. By 11, he could fully plan, write a list for, and execute the actual meal. He made sure there was a protein, vegetables and sometimes a starch. He also made sure there was texture, color, and shape variety (I am so proud!) Johnson Wales would be lucky to have him! Now, we have been buying sauces in squeeze bottles for added presentation flair.

I don't usually cook something like I did tonight, but lately, I have been holding 'Sunday dinners' where I have a little more fun with food. To me, it is the culinary equivalent of 'dress up'. Alex and I have a weightloss bet (details to follow, maybe) so are using these opportunities to figure out healthy but DELISH! menus. First week, I made a london broil, watermelon and...I cannot remember the other items, but they were all healthy and very good. The next week, she marinated veggies that were thrown onto the grill with a huge salmon fillet. To that, I added my 'signature salad' and an amazing dessert of fresh strawberries with a balsamic vingar/bittersweet chocolate reduction. Independance Day was a couple of steaks, tomato/avocado salad, grilled yellow squash and sangria (we are experimenting with different flavors; this one included lemon/lime seltzer, a good Spanish wine and pomogranite juice)

I spoke to a friend who was going to come over, then grabbed my friends/neighbors who seemed to be happy that I caught them before they went to Silver Diner. The day I cannot cook better than SD, please just shoot me! Alex whipped up some white sangria (Governor's white table wine, my leftover lime mineral water for fizz and braeburn apples [no peaches; Burt ate all of them]) The addition of strawberries may have been nice.

The menu:

• Tomato and avocado salad with bacon, yellow peppers and cilantro
• Broiled marinated (in ginger, garlic, lime juice and cilantro) sea scallops and pan fried jumbo shrimp in sesame, lime bacon sauce
• Sesame crusted seared tuna with sesame, basic chili noodles
• Ginger lime pan fried shrimp with tomatillo mango salsa
  

We also had a fabulous bottle of Weingut Joh. Haart 2005 Riesling. I am not a big fan of white wine, but this Reisling is not too sweet and perfect with delicate foods like seafood. It doesn't overpower the spices and fruit and....oh nevermind, I am not going to pretend to know the dazzling 'foodie' terms; I'll leave that to Kathy.

Anyway, the wine coupled with the half of a pitcher of sangria released very lively conversation, general silliness and mangled demonsrations of pronunciations of "horrible", "nuCLEar", and an extended discussion and test run of whether or not Devon (the dog) is going deaf (OK, this may sound dull to you, but it was all pretty funny at the moment). More than half-way through this revelry, Jackson returned home from his Aunt's where he had spent the last 1.5 weeks. He was concerned for all of us, to say the least. We returned the favor by regaling him with stories of July 4 (walking through the woods from Reston to Herndon and back with only the light of our collective cell phones to keep us from breaking ankles or falling into the creek), etc. Thus, more hilarity ensued, as did more confused expressions of concern from my spawn.

In the photo on the right, what you do not see is that Burt was demonstrating Alex's excessive strength by demanding 'piggyback rides'. Afterwards, he kept walking around bending over in front of her; J and I were a bit concerned (can anyone say 'strap on'?) and took his glass away.

I find that the best times to be had are are impromtu and include at least one bottle of alcohol.

Thanks guys! I had a fabulous time

So, why am I still up? I am waiting for the bidding on a black Tadashi and a burgundy Shelli Segal (for A/B wedding) cocktail dresses. Wish me luck.

Another reason to admire my spawn

I am frustrated.

My brilliant (tested, not assumed) kid is an EXTREME underachiever in school. He gets As on tests without any study, butgrades are no where near that because he won't do the class/homework. Heis in honors Science and Civics and was recently moved up to honors math(he was in it last year, but insecurity and fear made him [in my mind]deliberately fail-he made it up in summer school).

Yesterday, we were arguing about the fact that he needs to develop a routine for school and for his life in general; I need to trust that he has actually done homework when he says he has, etc. That turned into an arguement about expectations and failing to meet or even try to meet them,etc...I explained that I was disappointed that it seemed that, no matter what he was told, he would do whatever he wanted, regarding school, clothes, etc.

(A little background: He has a friend whom I view as a bad influence. Unsupervised, possibly involved in a gang [at least mode of dress], participating in unprotected sex at age 14, etc)

When continued involvement with this person was mentioned, yet again, he said: "You view [friend] as a bad influence on me, but if I do something, it is because*I* chose to do it. Also, while, he may not necessarily be a bad influence on me, I could be a good influence on HIM!" This one is tough, as a parent: do I possibly sacrifice MY child for someone else's? And what does it teach MY son to say that he should turn his back on this friend. "Just because you tell me I cannot be his friend doesn't mean I can be his friend one day, then not be his friend the NEXT day." He is worried about this friend, specifically relating to the unprotected sex and has encouraged the friend to use condoms IF he is having sex.

So, what I admire is his sense of loyalty, to the friend and in trying to BE a friend; talking to him about these things; to be, possibly, the only person who [friend] may feel comfortable in sharing these topics. I also admire that he is admitting that HE makes his own choices; that ultimately, no one else is responsible for what he does or does not do.

Is 14/15 too old to invite over for milk, cookies and supervised homework time? I am going to have to REALLY think about this situation.

Saab: born from jets

Oops, make that "Saab born from the Flintstones car"! How about "Saab: careful about using that turbo unless you want to blind everyone behind you" or "Saab: eat my burning oil exhaust while I gas the driver of this piece..." OK, I'll just say I am not overly thrilled with my car today.

This is what my car usually looks like (pictured at right) and if you were driving behind me on Route 28 near 66 today at about noon, you saw (pictured immediately below)

Oh, you don't see anything there? EXACTLY!!! Anyone behind me disappeared in a cloud of thick white smoke, invisible to me in the rearview mirror. I could hardly hear the numerous horns honking because I think I was in shock that my darling, adorable, ADORED and beloved car was doing this to me! Call to mechanic gave me honest to God cold chills: "Sounds like the engine. Smoke you say? Do you have oil? No, black smoke or white? Hmmm, you are looking at $3-5,000. I think I went through three or four stages of grief in the span of about 30 seconds! Please understand that I LOVE this car.

I would almost trade the life of one of my dogs for the life of this car. I say 'almost' because I would be a terrible, cruel person to even consider that option and, mostly, would not sacrifice the dog for the car because of guilt...the car is easy on the carpet. Keep in mind that one of the dogs also ate the dog bed today since I had taken off the cover to wash it for her (darned bathroom looked like a feather pillow threw up in there). And the other has more gas than I could EVER put into that car. (He isn't called Farty Dog by K for no reason)

Anyway, I was checking clearance items at Macys when the diagnosis came in: $1,600 for the blown turbo (one of my guesses of what went wrong) Manager said I sounded surprisingly positive considering....let me form this number string again: one thousand, six hundred dolllllaaaaarrrrrrssssszzzzzzz! I simply said: "I guess so because $1,600 is much better than $3-5,000 and I LALALALALUUUUVVV that car! (That mechanic now OWNS my soul and my first born; I am not worried about either at this moment)

SO, I get it back tomorrow, just in time for the sunny weather this weekend. Maybe I need to head up to Baltimore so that I can go 95mph on that highway (I can't remember the name of it, but the speed limit signs say "95"! Oh, I think the highway number is 65.

Top down, hair whipping my face, Foo Fighters or Nickelback cranked, dogs ears flapping in the wind and we are happy.

I am glad my tax return is enourmous.

What's a little porn between friends?

Irony: planning to watch "The Pursuit of HappYness" or "Babel" with your friend (female, BTW) and you end up watching "Babysitter #15", etc (I cannot recall the names; they are all pretty much the same) with exaggerated moaning and groaning, actors in the pursuit of....I am not sure what...it was hard (ha!) to follow. I came upon these movies (be ready for numous puns!) said porn innocently enough. I was scanning the copied DVD titles: "Superman Returns" (Oh, I just thought of this: porn title could be "Superman Cums Again"), "Baby Mozart" (they have kids), and numerous other titles that, for some reason, have escaped my memory.

They should be used like this!

"Babysitter #15" (a copied DVD so this was written on the front with a Sharpie) was basically a number of "vignettes", each more ridiculous than the last. Each a barrage of T (silicone grossly enhanced)/A (some needed a serious shave!), c-shots, etc (I'll just leave it at that) These didn't even have the wildly humourous, typically bad music of 70s porn; I guess this was lower budget. And cigars should not be used like that!

Understand that, to women, this is generally not erotic; this is quite absurd and we watch, laughing, criticizing how skinny the woman is ("hey buddy, stop reach for her chest because there isn't anything to hold onto up there!") or wonder WHY anyone would want a gallon of silicone bouncing around like that; discussing the variety of options for hair removal and styles the 'actresses' chose to display, if there was any hair left. OH!! And how disappointing that the men are guys you would NEVER EVER consider dating let alone....you get the idea. REALLY! Why can't they find decent looking guys? Our theory is that, generally, guys watch this stuff and prefer to see below average looking men 'getting it on' so that they feel better about their below-to-average looks, if that is the case (think Ron Jeremy! pictured in case you don't know who he is).

There was even one 'vignette' with a MIDGET! K kept saying how he seemed really short but I couldn't tell until the normal-sized woman stood up (she spent most of her time [not standing up]) When he dropped his pants, K exclaimed "OH! not everything is short!" It was a little scary and all very funny.

Gentlemen, please note: if you are into watching porn and are considering including that special lady with your viewing pleasure, it may not be as erotic as you had hoped: she will probably critique storylines, hair styles; express concern that everyone be tested for STDs (condoms make c-shots impossible), .....the anti-erotic list goes on. BUT, if you are in the mood for a comedy, bring on the Ron Jeremy shaving scenes!

Please do not think that I am judging pornography negatively; I like erotica, but I prefer heavy breathing, not gasping for breath from laughing.

What a crummy day but, look what I found!

I'll spare you the details, but today was not so great. It started with my cell phone having gone missing (I have no land line) Turns out kid "picked it up off the floor (why was it there?) put it in his pocket, then went to school" Could I call the school to find out if he has it? NOoooooo, because THEN, if he DID, he would get detention. ....day didn't get much better after that, until:

While cleaning and sorting boxes in my basement (another fun part of my day!), I found the autobiography I wrote when in sixth grade (age 12). No, it ws not for entertainment, although I did write plays and cartoons; it was for an assignment.

"...At 6:34, after waiting for Dad and the doctor, I made my
appearance. Headlines, "Stacey [R] meets the world."

"There's not much to tell about the next few months unless you
call moving from the bassinet to the crib exciting.

"I have always loved animals and music. When I was
eighteen months old, I liked to sit on our manx cat, Screwball, and
hold his ears back until the cat howled. When he howled, I would sing
with him. You must not think that sitting on a cat is very good, and it's
not, but this is a very large cat.

"I had a big collection of instruments. Mom's pots and
pans, a baby piano, and a a xylophone, but I played the cat
best."

It is so funny to read your 12-year-old perspective (from 26 years ago!) Here is more:

"One of my favorite places to go was the zoo. My first time at the zoo was
at age eighteen months. I went with my mom and my mom's friend, the
photographer. I kept running around and they were trying to catch
me. I ran around so much that they threatened to put me in the monkey
house."

And some more:

"Now, I belong to Hollin Meadows. Kindergargen was fun.
Sometimes we would have parties and the teacher would bring her daughter to
them. Once we got to fingerpaint with chocolate pudding. I think
that the kids were eating more of the pudding than they than they were painting
with."

Please understand that I am typing EXACTLY what I had written; now, I know better than to end a sentence with a preposition!

"My first operation happened when I was ten years old in the summer
(luckily). I had an appendectomy. I thought it was just a stomach
ache. Mom went to New Jersey for a boat race and left me and [H] with a
friend. The next day, I was walking around bent half way over not eating
anything. Finally, the friend called the hospital and told the doctor
everything. Then he (the friend) took me to the hospital to be x-rayed and
pushed on. I wasn't allowed to have a drink of water because my appendix
broke. The friend called my father and mother. I had the operation
that day. After the operation, when I woke up everything was blury.
They [took] me to a room in the children's ward, where I spent seven days
hurting, calling people, watching TV, reading, and going to the bathroom."

Wow, clearly, my lack of self-edit goes WAY back!

"I get to start my career at acting. In fifth grade we had a program
near Halloween. There was a poem with an old lady and a cat in it. I
got to act out the old lady. I wanted to use my pet cat for the part in
the play, but Mom wouldn't let me. I only had to say about four
words."

Please keep in mind that I just found this book after it's being in some box for well over eight years! So, it is a little bizarre to read:

"For my future, I want to become a very successful veternarian, model, actress,
or singer. I want to have one child and a puppy. I'd like to live in
a townhouse in a very nice neighborhood with good friends."

Aside from the career specifics an "very nice" neighborhood (which depends on your perspective; I am picky, but the neighborhood is improving), it sounds like I am on track! Notice how, even back then, 'husband' wasn't a part of my vision of my adult life!

Let this be a lesson: if you have a dream (specifically singer, in my case) don't let anyone derail you. Now, I am working on the acting aspect of my 12-year-old self's career dream. And maybe all of those years of voice lessons will pay off.

To my friends: thank you for being my "good friends"; truly a dream that did come true. :)

I'll scan some of the photos, later, then add them. Right now, I need today to END...goodnight!

It has been awhile...

...an will probably be awhile, still, since I have posted.. I have been crazy busy. In fact, in the past /four /.Mdays, I have had a total of 10 hours of sleep MAXIMUM....I think tonight may be a good night/morning to try to catch up.

Then, it is portfolio upate/resume sending time! I do have a couple of freelance projects, but that isn't full-time work. Although, I DO love the idea of springtime looming and the fact that I can go to my garden at any point in the day and play in the dirt.

(FYI, my D key seems to be sticking so if I type wors an am missing the D, you will know (I know they are missing in THOSE worDs; I was making a point)

Garden: Last year, per the advise of my darling child, I only planted about 10 tomato plants, compared to my regular 30+. SO, no salsa, no marina, hardly any fried green tomatoes, etc. This year, I am going to get SEEDS of heirloom tomatoes and start them myself. Sure, it is easier to just plant your standard Better Boy and Romas you can get at Home Depot, but I want VARIETY! I like my salsa with red, green AND yellow tomatoes...actually, it is more like a pico de gallo than salsa because it isn't cooke an very chunky; you can SEE the veggies in it.

Wow! Thinking about summer veggies, I sure could go for a salad right about now, considering that dinner was a whey protein shake with yogurt an blackberries; it WAS supposed to be london broil, balsamic onions, and roasted root veggies topped off with chocolate mousse!) Oh, I am sure that what I had was better for my body that the other, which is better for my SOUL! I know! I'll go running THREE times this week, then eat like that NEXT weekend. Swimsuit season is upon us! This year, I am WEARING ONE! (some of you know why that is a big deal for me, but not everyone needs to know.)

S60eth5ng is wrong /with /.my keyboard...odd....now it seems fine. //.M / SHOOT!! /.MZzc,xv /.Time for /.MZCazc,xv new laptop! I am /.MZoff /.Mto .ebay /.now!

A place of his own...

is what I want to build for my nephew. Actually, when I conceived this idea, my sister was pregnant with #2, so this was to be a place of their own.

When my own son was little, I didn't own the house we lived in (I was a stay-at-home, but freelancing, single mom, which is almost an impossibility financially, but I think it was good for him), so I wasn't able to build him the tree house of his (my?) dreams. Being an freelance architectural designer gave me inspiration if not the funds to use AutoCAD to draw outlandish, modern forts, etc. But, someone else's breeding has given me the opportunity.

The idea started from some pine logs I found on the side of the street. I don't know how, but I mentally striped away the bark, revealing corners of a little log cabin (the 'logs' were about six feet long each) I rounded up some muscle (my kid) and my SUV and scavenged these logs who are now residing in my sister's shed.

Can you see the log?

Ceiling, interior walls
Roofing

Floor

Me: "I would like to build D a fort."
Sis: "WHAT? [groan] Why?"
BiL (coming in from the driveway where he had to help my son unload the logs): "Why
is Stacey bringing these logs HERE?"
Sis: "She wants to build D some type of fort."
BiL: "Uh, OK...I need to go...[something unintelligible as he walks away]"
Sis: "This cannot be something that drags out for months and months (uh oh she is on to me!)"
Me: "oh no. I will plan it out. Plus, I don't want D to get bored with it before it is even complete."

After numerous concepts, I came up with plan: A TIKI HUT! Ohhh YES! This will be SO COOL!!

I obtained samples of:
roofing material (grass, of course)
bamboo matting for the walls and floors
photos of landscaping ideas (this is where I should have realized it was getting out of hand, but it will be SO PERFECT: ferns, fake orchids, etc)

The entire project will need to be drawn up in AutoCAD, and presented to my sister with sample products, etc (BiL couldn't care less as to what I do; he, unlike she, completely trusts me in my creative pursuits; he and I are more alike than she and I!) The project needs to be modularly built in the shed (more like a 2-car garage) as panels that are quickly assembled on-site, which won't be more than 100 feet away near the stand of bamboo they cannot eradicate.

I guess hula girl lamps will only work if I run electricity out there, huh? Maybe I can rig one that isn't wired, but you put a crack stick where the bulb goes.

My darling child strongly feels that this 'hut' should be about 40' x 50'. I am thinking more like 6'-8' x 10' with a 2' deep covered porch across the front. There will be space inside with a built-in bunk for camping out when they are a bit older (considering that nephew #2 is only three months old NOW, it will be more than a few years) There will be space inside for a table and a couple of chairs, toy storage, etc...I haven't worked out all of the particulars, but that didn't stop me from shopping for hula girl lamps, surf boards, masks and lots of 'tiki' related paraphernalia

I am encouraging J to incorporate his creativity; we talked about his carving tiki poles (are you seeing where these pine logs are coming into this project now?) Pine is a soft wood and easier to carve by hand. By hand meaning with your hand wrapped around a Dremel tool NOT a pocket knife or chisel: I am not THAT crazy!

Why am I writing about this right now? Yesterday, the birds were singing, the snow melted and I was walking around in jeans and a tank: SPRING is here (God willing) It is time for me to get my act together if I want this construction completed by summer. I figure this will cost me no more than $500 and that goes mostly toward lumber, woven mats and thatch roof. Craigslist perusing has provided plenty of contacts for free bamboo for wall exteriors. I can get free windows from window replacement companies and will work out the rest this spring.

Resources:
http://www.tikifocus.com/
http://www.safarithatch.com/default.aspx
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/