The ant and the microwave

Before I start this story, let me relay that as I was coming in to work the pianist (we don't have a muzak, we have selection of live humans who play either a harp or the grand piano in the lobby) was playing "High Hopes". If you know the words to the song, you'll understand the humor.

Last night, I was out for a few hours. Upon arriving home, I was ravenous. I broiled (I don't have a toaster and don't want one) a few pieces of English raisin toasting bread. Instead of my usual SmartBalance, I opted for butter, but it was hard as I had just taken it from the fridge. I opened the microwave to soften it for about 10 seconds. Inside, was an ant. For the purpose of this story, I'll call him Nuke.

I wondered: "what would happen to Nuke if I go ahead and microwave my butter for 10 seconds?". Two buttons later and the test was ON. Open microwave door; ant is walking slightly erratic and butter isn't soft enough. Two buttons pressed again; I open the door and this insect is walking in circles and VIBRATING! (Sorry, buddy, you shouldn't have been in my microwave and caught me on a mean day)

So, Nuke hasn't exploded or stopped moving (where I would assume he is dead or napping), so I give it another 20 seconds (without the butter). I open the door to find that Nuke has made his way under the edge of the door and on his way out! Scary! No, not that I am frying insects in my small appliances but that there is enough space for an ant to get out. And if there is enough space for the ant to get out, there is enough space for micro (read "little tiny") waves to get out as well.

The moral of this story is: do NOT stand close to the microwave while it is on.

Oh, another moral: and don't get into Stacey's microwave or she may turn you into part of a freakish science experiment! (Bear in mind that I am more likely to catch a bee, spider, etc and put it outside, but ants in springtime are too prolific and I cannot keep up.)

So, what happened to Nuke? I watched him stumble around a little, buttered my bread and ate it while reading the local paper. I didn't squish him. I figure that he had had enough and deserved a break. I am nice like that. :)

The makeup doesn't match the hair

While at Reston Town Center, today, I made an observation: the mannequins and photos of women at Victoria's Secret sport JBF hair (I just heard the term recently and am humored) but their make-up is flawless. If you have "just been _______", and IF you did it right, your lipstick should be smudged. For that matter, if you REALLY did it well, all of your make-up has been rubbed off! I know that has been my experience more than once, most certainly recently.

Oh, and another observation: while fuzzy mules are cute in a photo op, they are probably not sensible in the bedroom (on kitchen counters, on picnic tables, or in a secluded meadow, for that matter!) Something with more traction would be more practical; perhaps cleats? Oh, I see a PhotoShop opportunity!

The road to happiness...

is paved with low expectations.

I recently received an email that got me thinking about a few things, so I wrote, among other things:

I apologize for my delayed response, but something you wrote got me thinking (uh oh): the idea of a "back-up plan". I think I know what you were referring to and I agree with the idea that it is unseemly, but then don't we rationalize our actions? I hope I don't sound like I am going off on a tangent, but the concept has actually been on my mind for a few days:

When people date, are they just sharing time together for mutual entertainment, preventing general boredom or moving toward a next step? The first two are easy, but what about that third? And, if that is the case, what is that next step or, for that matter, the ultimate step? And how do two people comfortably discuss any of it? For example, if one person is generally committement-minded (whatever that means) but the other is out for, say, physical encounters, is it good for both parties to know up front? And, even if both know up front, doesn't that put pressure on each participant? The next thought in all of this was: whomever wants less gets what they want. Whether it be a friendship, BF(boyfriend)/GF(girlfriend), husband/wife, boss/employee, etc. If one party, say GF, doesn't want the relationship, she gets what she wants [wins], but BF, who wants the relationship, loses.

I am the type who prefers to give something an undistracted chance to see if it would work or at least get to know the person. Sort of like ordering off a menu versus visiting a buffet: you get what you get; if you don't like it, you order something else next time; no back-ups ie return trips to the heated, steam table. But I am finding, apparently like you, that many want that insurance policy against being alone. So, in trying to not be alone, they don't get close to any individual and possibly end up MORE alone, eventually.

I have been on "the site" off (mostly) and on for about a year. The simple answer to "success" would be no, since I here currently. But I have met some interesting and some less-than-interesting people. Oh, here's another tangent/thought process: I have heard that sites, like this, work better for women than men. For example, on average, I would say that I get about three/four winks per day and about one email per day. This affords me the opportunity to pick and choose (but I still feel a bit badly because these are human beings and not just pixels on the screen!). But, if guys get much fewer or only a few responses, are they just taking what they can get? Personally, I would want to be wanted for ME, not just because no one else came along. (and if you are wondering how it is that I have the time to type all of this to you and if I write back to everyone, the answer is no; I respond to very few; you just asked the right questions! Plus, this, as I said, has been on my mind a lot lately. AND I type very fast.)

So, all that said, what DO I want? I am not speaking of anyone specifically, except for ME: I want my ultimate best friend, I want someone I can be stupid with, smart with, silly with, serious with; I want someone to know everything about me and still love me; I want to get that excited thrill when I see him (sorry ladies, I do have a preference for males); I want to feel like he wants me more than any other option that could present itself; I want open and free communication; I want someone to like my girly-girl side AND my independant, do-it-myself side; I want someone to do everything/nothing with; I want someone who I can sit next to and read a book or whom I can look at, wink, smile, then ravage him; I want someone to sit next to me in the car on long trips, whether he drives or I drive; I want someone to feel like he is such a lucky guy to have found me because, if he is that guy above, I am lucky that I found him too.

Wow, I am drained! That was about as sappy as I go (at least in a blog!).

$55 for three buttons???

...or $40 for two. Crazy? I think so. But these buttons have "Chanel" emblazened on them! Right? (Who cares!)

So, I am scanning ebay, looking for some great vintage Chanel jacket that looks oh so 1940s and I find these. The two pictured lower left are $80!! Not that I would ever buy any of these buttons, but I had to laugh at the prices.

Heck, what am I ranting about? The other day, I was telling Alex (who more than understands expensive tastes!) that I KNOW I have expensive tastes (she agrees and appreciates). I can scan a list of 100 photos of, say, shoes, and manage to LIKE the 10 most expensive, even if the prices aren't listed. The problem with this is that I am quite the bargain hunter. And therein lies the dilemma: how do I GET these fabulous, let's say, shoes, but for a great price? Some may get frustrated and give up, but I view it as a challenge. I am the woman who got a pair of $400 NEW Prada pumps for a mere $71 on ebay!

Now, the question is: how do I get this $499 (a bargain in itself, probably) Chanel blue silk dress for MUCH less? I'll let you know if it happens. What? I don't NEED another cocktail dress? Sure I do! Get the dress and the occassion will happen (with an extra trip to the gym per week!). Lord knows: I already have the shoes!

Right now, I am on an Anne Klein and Ann Taylor kick, so got the three pair, above (J is going to have a heart attack after his fit!).

I also picked up a pair of fun, red silk open toe pumps that remind me of 40s pin-ups (to whom I was recently compared-I am flattered!) I have no clue what I would wear with them. But my favorite find is a pair of tan suede D'orsay pumps by Kate Spade.

The fridge is in the middle of the kitchen

along with the stove...again. I can't wait to get this done!

I picked up the cork flooring today and started installation. Right now, it is 10:12 (2212 to some) so, I think it is a tad late to keep running the table saw; I'll give it a rest, for now.

The color I chose has warmer tones than the granite. But, if I get the clearcoat tinted slightly, I will be able to get them pretty close. Doesn't this cork look great with the granite?

I am going to have to build, from scratch, the flush floor register because you can only get them for 3/4" thick floors and this is only 1/2" thick. See? I really can't do anything the easy way; sometimes, easy just is not an option!

Cruelty-Free?

I appreciate companies who do not use animals to test cosmetics. Using mascara, lipstick or blusher is optional and a rabbit certainly doesn’t choose to use it! But, the other day, I picked up some moisturizing gloves and socks (you put lotion on your hands/feet, then put on the gloves/socks). The back of the packaging indicated that they are “cruelty-free”. I must say that I feel OH so much better knowing that they didn’t lube up some rabbits paws and make them wear cotton gloves to see if they had softer toes or if they reacted poorly to the 100% cotton. I just hope they meant that the COMPANY only uses cruelty-free methods of testing ALL of their products.

I have a better idea: cosmetic companies can use CEOs, accountants and public servants who, through deliberate misdeeds, bilk millions out of their companies/government agencies creating financial ruin or negative consequences for reasonable, trusting employees/citizens. Steal from Metro by pocketing parking fees? Here’s a little mascara in your eye! Use the company jet, expense hookers and hotel rooms, buy vacation houses and set up offshore accounts because you are greedy therefore screwing (pun intended) employees out of their retirement savings? Chew on this tube of lipstick (in addition to spending the rest of your life in prison) So what if you suffer from a hives outbreak. TOUGH! Those little rabbits and monkeys certainly didn’t do it.

About me, by others

A friend sent a questionnaire to be completed by those who know, or think they know, you. I sent it out and received a response by all but two. Here are the Qs and As:

1. Where did we meet?
My mom: At Suburban Hospital in Bethesda, Md . . .12.15. a few years ago
Mark: Trantech
Alex: In front of our houses
Kathy: AOL, but in person it was at Clark's
Ken: AOL party??

2. Take a stab at my middle name: (I’d like to point out the fact that my middle name is part of my email address, so this was an easy one!)
My mom: Grandmother Rogers wanted Laura after her mother, but it didn't fit with Stacey. So you got Lorraine after my step grandmother, a very sweet lady with a mind of her own and a passion for cooking
Mark: Lorraine
Alex: Lorraine
Kathy: Lorraine
Ken: Lorraine

3. Do I smoke?
My mom: NO, at least no tobacco
Mark: no
Alex: No, but you're nice to smokers :)
Kathy: no
Ken: Smoke what?..lol

4. Do I drink; if yes, what?
My mom: Yes, mostly red wine but a few mixed drinks.
Mark: Gin tonics
Alex: You do drink. You like red wine, margaritas, sangria
Kathy: wine
Ken: Yes..i sorta remember a time in the sand ..lol...

5. Color of my eyes:
My mom: Brown, but a light shape, more topaz
Mark: brown
Alex: Brown
Kathy: brown
Ken: Blue

6. Do I have any siblings?
My mom: Yes, many
Mark: no
Alex: Yes--a sister (Heather), a brother (Scott), and another half-brother. There may be another half sibling, but I'm not sure
Kathy: lots - one full-blood sister, two half brothers by your mother and step-father, and either two or three by your father (at least one brother and one sister)
Ken: Yes

7. What's one of my favorite things to do?
My mom: Start projects . . . sing
Mark: eat lunch with mark
Alex: Buying things at the outlets to sell on eBay
Kathy: tear up the house and rebuild it again
Ken: ummmmmmm see above

8. What's my favorite type of music?
My mom: Don't know the name . . . current vocals
Mark: not rascal flats
Alex: Rock
Kathy: your tastes are eclectic
Ken: the kind to stumble to...

9. Am I shy or outgoing?
My mom: Outgoing
Mark: outgoing
Alex: Outgoing
Kathy: outgoing
Ken: mix of both

10. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?
My mom: Trick question ! Co-vert rebel, you follow the rules but shape them to fit your needs
Mark: rebel
Alex: A combination of both, but a little bit more of a rebel
Kathy: depends on who made the rules
Ken: ummmmm

11. Any special talents:
My mom: Many, very creative and visual
Mark: hot glue gun, beware
Alex: You sing and do home improvements
Kathy: home improvement, graphic design
Ken: lol ohhhh ya

12. What am I most adamant about?
My mom: Correcting the follies of others and protecting small creatures from an unkind world
Mark: that people respect you
Alex: Not playing games in relationships
Kathy: J doing the laundry ;)
Ken: i have no clue

13. How many children do I have?
My mom: One, that I know of
Mark: 1 that I know of
Alex: One son named Jackson
Kathy: one, thank God
Ken: just Flea

14. Thought or memory when hearing my name:
My mom: Image of a 4 yo girl wearing a turtle neck shirt and a frilly top (school photo) because you had decided to cut your own hair in front about a 1/2" from your scalp amd I had to cut the rest of it in a pixie cut which made you look like a little boy. So I had to make 'girlie' apron tops to go with your current wardrobe. Actually I thought you looked pretty good with the pixie cut.
Mark: Blue Iguana
Alex: Sunday dinners :)
Kathy: reckless, fun, interesting, late
Ken: BREAD!

15. What is my job?
My mom: I would say for lack of a better title, graphic designer, again with the creativity and visuals
Mark: graphics Flunky
Alex: Graphic designer
Kathy: graphic artist
Ken: Webpage person

16. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing that I would bring?
My mom: "Being stranded" implies no for-planning, but you would have your laptop and therefore not truly 'stranded'
Mark: your purse full of stuff
Alex: Clive Owen
Kathy: Wine
Ken: BREAD!