Another reason to admire my spawn

I am frustrated.

My brilliant (tested, not assumed) kid is an EXTREME underachiever in school. He gets As on tests without any study, butgrades are no where near that because he won't do the class/homework. Heis in honors Science and Civics and was recently moved up to honors math(he was in it last year, but insecurity and fear made him [in my mind]deliberately fail-he made it up in summer school).

Yesterday, we were arguing about the fact that he needs to develop a routine for school and for his life in general; I need to trust that he has actually done homework when he says he has, etc. That turned into an arguement about expectations and failing to meet or even try to meet them,etc...I explained that I was disappointed that it seemed that, no matter what he was told, he would do whatever he wanted, regarding school, clothes, etc.

(A little background: He has a friend whom I view as a bad influence. Unsupervised, possibly involved in a gang [at least mode of dress], participating in unprotected sex at age 14, etc)

When continued involvement with this person was mentioned, yet again, he said: "You view [friend] as a bad influence on me, but if I do something, it is because*I* chose to do it. Also, while, he may not necessarily be a bad influence on me, I could be a good influence on HIM!" This one is tough, as a parent: do I possibly sacrifice MY child for someone else's? And what does it teach MY son to say that he should turn his back on this friend. "Just because you tell me I cannot be his friend doesn't mean I can be his friend one day, then not be his friend the NEXT day." He is worried about this friend, specifically relating to the unprotected sex and has encouraged the friend to use condoms IF he is having sex.

So, what I admire is his sense of loyalty, to the friend and in trying to BE a friend; talking to him about these things; to be, possibly, the only person who [friend] may feel comfortable in sharing these topics. I also admire that he is admitting that HE makes his own choices; that ultimately, no one else is responsible for what he does or does not do.

Is 14/15 too old to invite over for milk, cookies and supervised homework time? I am going to have to REALLY think about this situation.

Saab: born from jets

Oops, make that "Saab born from the Flintstones car"! How about "Saab: careful about using that turbo unless you want to blind everyone behind you" or "Saab: eat my burning oil exhaust while I gas the driver of this piece..." OK, I'll just say I am not overly thrilled with my car today.

This is what my car usually looks like (pictured at right) and if you were driving behind me on Route 28 near 66 today at about noon, you saw (pictured immediately below)

Oh, you don't see anything there? EXACTLY!!! Anyone behind me disappeared in a cloud of thick white smoke, invisible to me in the rearview mirror. I could hardly hear the numerous horns honking because I think I was in shock that my darling, adorable, ADORED and beloved car was doing this to me! Call to mechanic gave me honest to God cold chills: "Sounds like the engine. Smoke you say? Do you have oil? No, black smoke or white? Hmmm, you are looking at $3-5,000. I think I went through three or four stages of grief in the span of about 30 seconds! Please understand that I LOVE this car.

I would almost trade the life of one of my dogs for the life of this car. I say 'almost' because I would be a terrible, cruel person to even consider that option and, mostly, would not sacrifice the dog for the car because of guilt...the car is easy on the carpet. Keep in mind that one of the dogs also ate the dog bed today since I had taken off the cover to wash it for her (darned bathroom looked like a feather pillow threw up in there). And the other has more gas than I could EVER put into that car. (He isn't called Farty Dog by K for no reason)

Anyway, I was checking clearance items at Macys when the diagnosis came in: $1,600 for the blown turbo (one of my guesses of what went wrong) Manager said I sounded surprisingly positive considering....let me form this number string again: one thousand, six hundred dolllllaaaaarrrrrrssssszzzzzzz! I simply said: "I guess so because $1,600 is much better than $3-5,000 and I LALALALALUUUUVVV that car! (That mechanic now OWNS my soul and my first born; I am not worried about either at this moment)

SO, I get it back tomorrow, just in time for the sunny weather this weekend. Maybe I need to head up to Baltimore so that I can go 95mph on that highway (I can't remember the name of it, but the speed limit signs say "95"! Oh, I think the highway number is 65.

Top down, hair whipping my face, Foo Fighters or Nickelback cranked, dogs ears flapping in the wind and we are happy.

I am glad my tax return is enourmous.

What's a little porn between friends?

Irony: planning to watch "The Pursuit of HappYness" or "Babel" with your friend (female, BTW) and you end up watching "Babysitter #15", etc (I cannot recall the names; they are all pretty much the same) with exaggerated moaning and groaning, actors in the pursuit of....I am not sure what...it was hard (ha!) to follow. I came upon these movies (be ready for numous puns!) said porn innocently enough. I was scanning the copied DVD titles: "Superman Returns" (Oh, I just thought of this: porn title could be "Superman Cums Again"), "Baby Mozart" (they have kids), and numerous other titles that, for some reason, have escaped my memory.

They should be used like this!

"Babysitter #15" (a copied DVD so this was written on the front with a Sharpie) was basically a number of "vignettes", each more ridiculous than the last. Each a barrage of T (silicone grossly enhanced)/A (some needed a serious shave!), c-shots, etc (I'll just leave it at that) These didn't even have the wildly humourous, typically bad music of 70s porn; I guess this was lower budget. And cigars should not be used like that!

Understand that, to women, this is generally not erotic; this is quite absurd and we watch, laughing, criticizing how skinny the woman is ("hey buddy, stop reach for her chest because there isn't anything to hold onto up there!") or wonder WHY anyone would want a gallon of silicone bouncing around like that; discussing the variety of options for hair removal and styles the 'actresses' chose to display, if there was any hair left. OH!! And how disappointing that the men are guys you would NEVER EVER consider dating let alone....you get the idea. REALLY! Why can't they find decent looking guys? Our theory is that, generally, guys watch this stuff and prefer to see below average looking men 'getting it on' so that they feel better about their below-to-average looks, if that is the case (think Ron Jeremy! pictured in case you don't know who he is).

There was even one 'vignette' with a MIDGET! K kept saying how he seemed really short but I couldn't tell until the normal-sized woman stood up (she spent most of her time [not standing up]) When he dropped his pants, K exclaimed "OH! not everything is short!" It was a little scary and all very funny.

Gentlemen, please note: if you are into watching porn and are considering including that special lady with your viewing pleasure, it may not be as erotic as you had hoped: she will probably critique storylines, hair styles; express concern that everyone be tested for STDs (condoms make c-shots impossible), .....the anti-erotic list goes on. BUT, if you are in the mood for a comedy, bring on the Ron Jeremy shaving scenes!

Please do not think that I am judging pornography negatively; I like erotica, but I prefer heavy breathing, not gasping for breath from laughing.