Je suis tres mal!

Je ne comprende pas comment.....oops.....I don't understand how I get myself into these things! You are sitting there, having your chai latte, checking email, considering graphic buttons and tabs, then need to step away to the ladies room (Clearly, I was in public; I call it 'the bathroom' at home)

I came back to my table at Greenberry's and a nice, older (late 40s, early 50s?) French gentleman asked me about my wireless card, "what is the cord?" etc., then engaged me in conversation about (fairly easy since I am chatty): my internet use, shopping, fashion, les Americains et, for that matter, the consumerism of the citizens of the world, box stores, box restaurants, children expecting expensive EVERYTHING, the interference of religion (#1) in our schools and being a parent who sticks by her (in my case, not his) 'guns' regarding not allowing her (me again)son to sing religious songs in public school....blah blah,people, especially politians (#2) forcing their views and 'morality' upon the rest of us, while never defining their own (#1 again), then the fact that Americans are so uptight about alcohol, etc; moving back to education with his comment about overhearing a teacher needing Brazilian music for the soccer team, but could not buy offered CD because of the hint of woman's cleavage on the cover( ...moving to #3)

At this point, I finally broke the steady conversation stream to say that, while it was delightful to get a chance to chat, I really did have to get back to my "random surfing online, ebay checking, email checking, general wasting time", but I used the phrase "work".

Quelle dommage!"
"Tu parle en Francais?"
"Oui, je parle en Francais, mais en peu; pas beaucoup."
"Ah, you have a beautiful accent, though! What are you doing this weekend Care to run off to Provence, drink vin et mange sur les pommes de terre et pheasant avec moi?" (OK, I tossed in that last sentence; I have a vivid imagination!)
"Oh, I need to get the graphic interface drafts done this contract for a Sunday afternoon meeting (completely true! I never lie....oops, but it really is true, this time.)

He said: "Not even a half for lunch?" (who only takes 30 minutes??)

I am SO unsmooth! I tried to get out of it, feigning total committment to this project, etc. It didn't fly. Anyway, now I have to meet this person tomorrow at the Town Center for our half hour lunch, which is impossible ANYWHERE there, except for Lee's Ice Cream or Ben and Jerrys, and that isn't lunch. Anyway, we aren't meeting at either of those places. I see this turning into a couple of hours. C'est vrai: quelle dommage pour moi! Je suis tres pathétique!

Hmmmm.....what to wear to prevent the discussion of #3.... high collar, sneakers, torn jeans, porcupine quills, oh just GREAT!! "Fashion? Sure, I love to shop ebay for expensive shoes and dresses, but the chastity belt I now wear was the BEST deal! $49.95 with $9 shipping." Je suis une cretin! Why did I have to break my wireless card in the first place necessitating this visit to Greenberry's!

...and, for your entertainment, because my unfortunate situation is quite insufficient, you can learn some key French phrases ( I just found this site when trying to find the proper spelling for 'dacors', which I never did find):
http://yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au/~mongoose/french/phrases.html

Examples:
Greetings
"You've put on weight"
"Tu as grossi"(tu ah gro - si)

"Haven't the police found you yet?"
"La police, ne t'a pas encore trouvé?"(la po - lees ne ta pa zen - cor troo - vay)

General chit-chat
"Reality and you don't get on, do they?"
"Le réalité et toi, vous ne vous entendez pas, n'est-ce pas?"(le ree - al - ee - tay eh twa voo ne voo zen - ten - day pah nes pah)

And so far my favorite:
Helping Others
"I'd help you, but I don't like you."
"Je vous aurais bien aide, mais je ne vous aime pas."(zhe voo zaw - ray bien ai - de may zhe ne voo zaim - e pah)