You caught my ire

Things you should not hear (nor say) on a first date:

"Yes, I am bad and I need to be spanked" followed by turning your back and leaning over, slightly.

"She prefers girth, not length." to the bartender when your date requests a rocks glass versus a juice glass for bourbon and ginger ale.

"Oh good, you aren't kissing someone" when returning from the men's room, explained by:

"Yes, I walked out of the bar the second time my girlfriend was kissing some guy" followed by:

"She had sex in the men's room with a black guy and told me the baby was mine; I was the one who had to take her to the abortion clinic..." followed by:

"We stopped dating, but still had booty calls."

"I am not really a breast man; I go straight for the [gestures toward her crotch]."

"I don't have any money, but my [estranged] wife is a millionaire a couple times over now."

"Guess what kind of car I drive." (I guessed Ford Pinto, then Gremlin. I think that irked him since he was, clearly, trying to brag about his BMW-leased btw)

"Ever since my gastric bypass surgery, I cannot keep chicken down." "Should I kiss you before or after this cigar?" (rather
presumptuous that he will get kissed at all!)

"Yes, I know my friends keep calling me. Since I am not confident about my judgment, they are looking out for me." (No shit! Because everything you said, above, was based on GOOD JUDGMENT?)

What is dating? What is the game? Is dating a game? Am I a player? If I view dating as a game, and I date, does this mean I am a player?

I don't believe that I am a player, but when I view the above situation and allow it to proceed due to the entertainment factor, hence 'a game', I may be a player. Considering the above statements, who could blame me? Apparently, the smooth talker (a lawyer, BTW) who crafted such eloquent sentences within an hour of our first meeting.

Theory: people who talk about money don't have any; people who talk about sex don't get any; people who brag about what they drive, what they pay to exs have to pay strippers, hookers or gold diggers to pay any attention to them; they also have to be humilated by trashy women who are fine with a booty call buddy status because going out in public only brings the possibility that she will end up in the men's room with someone else! I guess if the personality doesn't work, credit cards and flashing cash must pick up some slack.

All of this goes to further prove to myself that I should pay more attention to my instincts. Animals have instincts for survival. Without them, they could be eaten alive or at least mauled. Does the same go for dating? Animals don't date, but humans can be eaten alive or metaphorically mauled. I look back and am just amused:

In fairness, I think it is reasonable to state that I am not perfect (eyes downcast): I focus on details too often, some slights bother me more than I should allow them to, my grammar is imperfect (thank you; I don't need it clarified unless the correction is explained), I procrastinate, I lose track of time, I juggle too many thoughts, projects, ideas and some of each get lost, I could stand to lose more weight...I think I'll stop there on the negative. On the positive: I am creative, loyal to friends, love and protect animals, love and adore my child (who drives me NUTS!), very handy, and a decent, although fast, driver. :) So, yes, I do have a pretty high opinion of myself.

BEST DINNER EVER!

Background: I have never been the type to prepare dinner nightly. Even when my son was small, sometimes, cheese, crackers, veggies and dip served as 'dinner'. Sometimes, it was a pot of chili (pretty good actually) that lasted for a few nights, etc. Actually, since my son was about eight, he learned to cook. By 11, he could fully plan, write a list for, and execute the actual meal. He made sure there was a protein, vegetables and sometimes a starch. He also made sure there was texture, color, and shape variety (I am so proud!) Johnson Wales would be lucky to have him! Now, we have been buying sauces in squeeze bottles for added presentation flair.

I don't usually cook something like I did tonight, but lately, I have been holding 'Sunday dinners' where I have a little more fun with food. To me, it is the culinary equivalent of 'dress up'. Alex and I have a weightloss bet (details to follow, maybe) so are using these opportunities to figure out healthy but DELISH! menus. First week, I made a london broil, watermelon and...I cannot remember the other items, but they were all healthy and very good. The next week, she marinated veggies that were thrown onto the grill with a huge salmon fillet. To that, I added my 'signature salad' and an amazing dessert of fresh strawberries with a balsamic vingar/bittersweet chocolate reduction. Independance Day was a couple of steaks, tomato/avocado salad, grilled yellow squash and sangria (we are experimenting with different flavors; this one included lemon/lime seltzer, a good Spanish wine and pomogranite juice)

I spoke to a friend who was going to come over, then grabbed my friends/neighbors who seemed to be happy that I caught them before they went to Silver Diner. The day I cannot cook better than SD, please just shoot me! Alex whipped up some white sangria (Governor's white table wine, my leftover lime mineral water for fizz and braeburn apples [no peaches; Burt ate all of them]) The addition of strawberries may have been nice.

The menu:

• Tomato and avocado salad with bacon, yellow peppers and cilantro
• Broiled marinated (in ginger, garlic, lime juice and cilantro) sea scallops and pan fried jumbo shrimp in sesame, lime bacon sauce
• Sesame crusted seared tuna with sesame, basic chili noodles
• Ginger lime pan fried shrimp with tomatillo mango salsa
  

We also had a fabulous bottle of Weingut Joh. Haart 2005 Riesling. I am not a big fan of white wine, but this Reisling is not too sweet and perfect with delicate foods like seafood. It doesn't overpower the spices and fruit and....oh nevermind, I am not going to pretend to know the dazzling 'foodie' terms; I'll leave that to Kathy.

Anyway, the wine coupled with the half of a pitcher of sangria released very lively conversation, general silliness and mangled demonsrations of pronunciations of "horrible", "nuCLEar", and an extended discussion and test run of whether or not Devon (the dog) is going deaf (OK, this may sound dull to you, but it was all pretty funny at the moment). More than half-way through this revelry, Jackson returned home from his Aunt's where he had spent the last 1.5 weeks. He was concerned for all of us, to say the least. We returned the favor by regaling him with stories of July 4 (walking through the woods from Reston to Herndon and back with only the light of our collective cell phones to keep us from breaking ankles or falling into the creek), etc. Thus, more hilarity ensued, as did more confused expressions of concern from my spawn.

In the photo on the right, what you do not see is that Burt was demonstrating Alex's excessive strength by demanding 'piggyback rides'. Afterwards, he kept walking around bending over in front of her; J and I were a bit concerned (can anyone say 'strap on'?) and took his glass away.

I find that the best times to be had are are impromtu and include at least one bottle of alcohol.

Thanks guys! I had a fabulous time

So, why am I still up? I am waiting for the bidding on a black Tadashi and a burgundy Shelli Segal (for A/B wedding) cocktail dresses. Wish me luck.